Lohud Lowdown

Even though Josh Wolf, Brad Wollack and Chris Franjola are regulars on the E! late night talk show “Chelsea Lately” (they might as well carve their names in their usual chairs) fans of the show might not know a thing about the comedians when they are away from Chelsea Handler’s roundtable.

Case in point: Did you know the seasoned comics/writers have been touring the country on their “Men of Chelsea Lately” tour — and their next stop is at the Tarrytown Music Hall on Saturday? (Tickets are on sale at http://tickets.tarrytownmusichall.org.)

Before the trio arrives in Westchester, we wanted local fans to get to know them a bit better. We asked each funnyman to share a few little-known facts about their private lives. Sure, some things might qualify as TMI (too much information), but what else would you expect from these unpredictable jokers?

Here’s what they had to share:
JOSH WOLF

1)    I’m a pretty healthy eater – I don’t eat super healthy because I want to live until I’m 100 or anything like that.  I eat healthy because when I shove myself full of bread, cheese and butter I fall asleep.  Also, if I’m being honest, I don’t eat too well when I’m drunk which really balances out all of the broccoli and salad I eat during the week.
2)    I’m scared of squirrels- To be clear, I don’t scream like a b****  when I see a squirrel and it’s not like I run away if I see one.  That being said, I think they’re just rats with furry tails that want to slit our throats and take over the world.  One man’s opinion.
3)    I have hair – Yes, it’s true.  I have hair.  I know most people assume that I don’t because I wear a hat all of the time and that makes them think that I’m hiding a huge bald spot.  To be honest, the only thing I’m hiding is a forehead that you could show a movie on.  On top of that huge forehead lies a full head of hair.
4)    I don’t drink beer – I like beer.  I actually love beer.  The problem is that beer fills me up too quickly and makes me pee forever and both of those things slow down the process of getting drunk.  I don’t like things that get in the way of my ultimate goal.
5)    I get up early—I can’t sleep late anymore.  I wish I could.  There’s nothing worse than opening your eyes at 6:30 AM, knowing that you went to sleep 3 hours ago.  Something changed about 8 years ago and now if I sleep past 7 it’s a miracle.  The only thing that’s worst is the mid-day nap that makes me feel like my grandpa.

BRAD WOLLACK

1)    I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder  – One night I got in and out of bed 38 times to make sure the front door was locked. I constantly wash my hands and have obsessive thoughts and concerns… like when is my wife going to wake up and realize she’s actually married to me and file for divorce?
2)    I was born in Miami – I like to think my dad was some kind of drug kingpin who ran that town and was feared, but he was just a nice Jewish guy who bought strip malls.  Good thing we left—with my fair complexion I wouldn’t have lasted a long time.
3)    The girl I lost my virginity to denied it – Since she was apparently so embarrassed about having sex with me, she made me vow not to tell anyone.  Naturally, as a young male, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  Her response? Deny everything.  Made me feel great about myself… and I still
4)    I made a citizen’s arrest – Long story, but the gist of it was that I was 13, I opened my big mouth to some adult on the basketball court and the next thing I know he was choking me.  Cops came and gave me the authority to arrest him.  I got to ride in the front seat of a police car and the kind officer told me that he would choke me, too, if I touched any of the buttons.
5)    I met Bill Clinton in the Oval Office  – Nothing better than realizing a once-in-a-lifetime experience—and having a picture taken to commemorate it—at the height of my most awkward, pimply and flat out ugly phase of my life.

CHRIS FRANJOLA

1)    I am a board certified electrician  – I spent many years in the construction business. If you don’t find me funny, I can always install a ceiling fan for you.
2)    I met fellow cast members  Sarah Colonna and Chelsea Handler on the same day – Both ladies were only 22 years old. I was a little older at the time, but a love of Belvedere and soda instantly bonded us.
3)    I know more about Broadway musicals than any heterosexual male should – I’ll enjoy performing for you next weekend, but I would rather be singing “A Chorus Line.”
4)   I have lived in New York City most of my life and never actually seen The Statue of Liberty – Although I’ve shaken hands with the homeless person in Times Square who dresses like the statue.
5)   I am 6’2 and can eat an entire box of Cap’n Crunch in one sitting.